We bet you have a personal list of stupid questions that come to your mind at 3 a.m. and make you stay awake all night. One of these questions, which torture humanity for a long time, is why female nipples are censored, and male nipples are not, though, biologically, these body parts are the same.
Adult Book Covers
If breasts are sexually attractive, why not fully cover them with a black rectangle? The answer is unclear. Probably, this taboo is somehow connected with motherhood and breastfeeding. Probably, it’s patriarchal tyranny. Anyway, we are here to deal not with reasons but with consequences. And the consequences are hilarious. Preparing materials for our previous top of Stanley Borack’s covers, we face this trend on the covers of adult books.
Why someone needs censoring boobs on the covers of porn novels is another accursed question as bare-breasted women still are present on lots of them. Nevertheless, we should admit that sometimes book illustrators demonstrate extraordinary fantasy when it comes to nipples, making censorship stupidly amusing. Our top is composed of the covers of the 1960s-1970s. We don’t include here obvious ways like covering boobs with clothing, towels, hands. Only wrong physics and weird perspective!
40. We Call It Eraserhead
Technically, it’s not the case, but this is what made us do this top. Why bother with more or less reasoned ways when you can simply erase the problem? The result is gorgeous! By the way, this is how the problem was solved on the cover of Marilyn Manson’s Mechanical Animals album. Initially, the alien was supposed to have nipples, but Manson was asked to remove them. Moreover, the title of the album is placed on the chest, which looks like additional censorship.
Fig. 1. pulpcovers.com
Fig. 1b. pulpcovers.com
Fig. 1c. pulpcovers.com
Fig. 1d. Marilyn Manson on the cover of Mechanical Animals (mansonwiki.com)
39. God Bless Typography… or not
Our next place is occupied by the most primitive “magazine” way to censor female breasts. The funniest thing about this cover is that the title doesn’t really hide anything, so the nipples are erased again, which makes this book look like Manson’s discussed cover.
Fig. 2. Left: the pulp cover (pulpcovers.com) Right: the cover of Mechanical Animals (Wikipedia.org)
38. God Bless Design
Another clever way to hide female nipples for male readers or innocent teens not to go blind is to crop the image where these parts are supposed to be. Nothing personal, it’s design!
Fig. 3. pulpcovers.com
Fig. 3b. pulpcovers.com
37. Peeping Tom To the Rescue!
We continue our top with a semi-opened door hiding one of the most sacred and dangerous things of the human body. Looks very natural, doesn’t it? The reader appears to be Peeping Tom and saves the day! It’s so nice to feel that you can help someone just by throwing a glance.
Fig. 4. pulpcovers.com
36. Instead of a Towel
The next place we bestow to what looks like a sliding door in a bathroom. Unfortunately, Peeping Tom is useless this time, and the poor beauty has to lean against the cold edge of the door to hide her nipple.
Fig. 5. pulpcovers.com
35. The Back Window of a Car
The car industry makes our lives easier. Sometimes, it makes easier the life of a paperback novels’ illustrator. P. S. The aspiration of the brunette from the background to get in the frame is remarkable.
Fig. 6. pulpcovers.com
34 Goldilocks and The Two Nipples
Long hair perfectly covering the nipples is a charming way to hide what we are not supposed to see. The cover reads that she “wanted it with no false modesty,” but we’re sure that, being asked where her nipples are, this shameless Goldilocks would show to the bears her plain boobs without any marks. We think she would be immediately eaten after this.
Fig. 7. pulpcovers.com
When the hair variant seems too plain and predictable while you want to manifest your creativity, you can draw a cheap necklace exactly above the nipples. To play safe, you can also add a man dressed as a woman in the background. Thus, no one will doubt your talent!
Fig. 8. pulpcovers.com
32. Louver Shutter
This teasing thing saves us from the blinding beauty of the nymph in suburbia. Otherwise, why would it be invented?
Fig. 9. pulpcovers.com
Spooky puppets can also be a way to hide behind them something that’s apparently even more spooky.
Fig. 10. pulpcovers.com
30. Pinocchio’s Lucky Brothers
And here’s personally one of my favorite things: dry tree branches, sometimes mysteriously happening in the picture. Who can explain why this girl decided to sunbathe under a dying piece of wood (fig. 11c)? Well, probably she’s going to use this branch as a coat stand. But why then are her pants on the ground? The answer is: she uses this wood to cover her nipples. We hope this lucky relative of Pinocchio feels satisfied.
Fig. 11. pulpcovers.com
Fig. 11b. pulpcovers.com
Fig. 11c. pulpcovers.com
29. Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue
…If you look at the nipples, you’ll catch a flue. Though, if you suffer from an allergy, this option won’t suit you either. The sex pose in the cover of John Dexters’ novel (fig.12b) is often met in shunga pictures.
Fig. 12. pulpcovers.com
Fig. 12b. pulpcovers.com
Fig. 12c. pulpcovers.com
28. Nontransparent Transparency
Another way to hide nipples and other body parts is to make transparent things nontransparent. Or semi-transparent. You know the qualities of water: clear, tasteless, liquid. But have you learned that being touched by a bare nipple, the water changes its’ qualities? The same works for transparent clothes: in the nipples’ zone it becomes dense.
Fig. 13. pulpcovers.com
27. Aphrodite’s Lifehack
This way to hide all inappropriate things probably was invented by Aphrodite as she was born from the foam. This heroine of museum paintings foresaw all the problems that future illustrators would face. Prometheus gave people the fire, Aphrodite gave them a piece of the foam. And humanity lived happily ever after!
Fig. 14. pulpcovers.com
26. The Shaving Foam
This foam deserves its’ own place as we don’t have an idea why would it have its’ place here. What’s going on? An orgy? A party? Looks more like the girl was recruited in pyramid selling and had to sell the product to all the boys in town. And the day has come for them to take their revenge… The combination of words ‘ba/ed’ and ‘worse’ with an author’s second name ‘good’ makes me giggle. The same position is occupied by boobies’ bubbles.
Fig. 15. pulpcovers.com
Fig. 15b. pulpcovers.com
25. Not Edible
We wouldn’t be surprised if someone managed to censor the nipples by vulva, but this time, we can offer you only an old wordplay. The cover proves that not all pussies are happy to be eaten.
Fig. 16. pulpcovers.com
24. Shibari Classic
The rope is one of the most reasonable ways to hide what should be hidden. Here’s one little detail that makes this cover funny: the illustrator also decided to tie her hands to her legs. At the same time, he had to leave her panties on, so the question is how these men are supposed to take it off. Let’s hope they have scissors.
Fig. 17. pulpcovers.com
23. One Leg is Enough
The leg of a brave man looking at the naked woman can save the situation as well. This male takes a risk to prevent us from seeing bare breasts. That’s inspiring!
Fig. 18. pulpcovers.com
22. G is for Guitar
When the shift of Peeping Tom ends, the time of the guy with a guitar begins. The girl lies on the edge of the bed, so this guy holds the guitar in the air. He literally stands here to hide her nipples. We think he is paid for this. In our world full of censorship, there must be a vacancy of a guy who holds a guitar in front of a naked pin-up looking woman.
Fig. 19. pulpcovers.com
21. Who’s the Tittiest of Them All?
We conclude the first part of our top with another fairytale. This cover reminds us of the toilet of Venus by Boucher, Rubens, Velázquez, and of the famous Snow White story. The evil stepmother of the 1970s is fascinated not by her face but by her nipples.
Fig. 20. pulpcovers.com
Click HERE for part 2 of this enticing Top 40 of nipple-censored covers….!!
In which cover do you think the nipples are best concealed? Leave your reaction in the comment box below..!!